Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
