I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
