That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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