Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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