How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
