I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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