party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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