So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
