Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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