Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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