Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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