Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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