I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want nice things and good sex
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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