So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
