If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
