Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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