i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
