I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
