he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
zippers are such a cool invention
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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