Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
