highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
