I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
