I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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