She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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