if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
