I just pynch a tree in the face
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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