Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
