I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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