just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
