he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
