and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
