I accidentally burped into my bong.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
