Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
