I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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