my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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