doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
