dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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