you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
