I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
