The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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