wat bout pragnant strippers??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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