I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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