how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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