I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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