I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
