we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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