She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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