I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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