so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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