Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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