if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
