I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
