everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
