Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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