I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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