Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
