i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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