things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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