Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
