In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
