the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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