You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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