after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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