I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
