So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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