dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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