So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
