two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
