When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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