I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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