Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
