and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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