Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
