I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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