i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
