A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize