so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
